Its just Sav;

Sister and Niece news!

2010-06-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

My sister's having a baby girl:)

I'm so happy for her!

I cannot wait!

I am determined to go see my sister this Summer, i love her and I miss her sooo much its ridiculous.

I grew up, and sent her a suupperrr long message on facebook telling her how much i need and want her in my life, and ever since then, i feel, i don't know. SOOO much better, i love her so much, always have and alwaysss will.

And we WILL figure out a name for this little amazing child:)

Foul Language.

2010-06-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

I guess it's a little too late to say this, but i'm going to anyway.
More and more people are reading my blogs, and i love that!
I'm just going to say that I am a teenage girl. I have emotions, i have a filthy mouth.
I want you to know that, i curse. alot. It's my way of expression. I am allowed to do it, so if you have a problem or are offended or EMBARASSED by it, i apologize, but its how i am.
I say things i dont I always mean, but at that point in time, i feel like saying it.
So again, please don't get offended by what I say.
This is my time and space to vent, to let out what is needed or wanted to let out.
So yeah, thanks for reading.

Summerrrrrrrrr

2010-06-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Last night was my official start of summer!

Of course there's another week of school left, unfortunately.

butttt anyways, on the way home last night, i was thinking, about how much living in a small little country town like this. It was the whole pageant, carnival, parade thing going on, it was definitely one of those things you would see in the movies.

Summer has officially started, and I cannot wait.

Reinventing.

2010-05-20T05:20:00.000-07:00

Its pretty intense how fast things can change.
In an instant.
By the speed of light.

For the longest time I tried to be the person people thought i was.
Then I tried to be the opposite of what people thought i was.
Then in this longing process to find who i am, I lost myself and confused my mind to a point of depression.

Time was passing, and I was still searching for these answers.
All of these troubles filling up my skull.
You know what i figured out?

The answer never came to me.

So there i was.
Sitting, sinking, drowning with and in all of this confusion.

I started to realize.

The more i try to find me.
The farther away from myself i was.
Make sense?

With this.
I have freed myself from the majority of these overwhelming problems.
Any image or problems are now water under that great big bridge.

I dont know exactly the full on point of this.
But thanks.

With love,

Sav.

Bailey Alina

2010-05-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

Bailey Filkoski.
Weirdest lsat name

I told you I'd have a blog for you soon.
Youre sitting next to me so I can't exactly write much until you're not reading this.
So I'll start by saying I love you to death.
I always start my day by saying "I need my Bailey!"
(By the way, I'm not completely ignoring my other friends i love to death, i love you all. But i Promised my Bai that I'd write her one.)
You are one of the most honest friends i have, If I look fat you tell me, pretty you tell me, bad, funny looking anything.
You give your honest opinion always.
When I'm sad, there's something about you that just instantly makes me just fine again...
I have to go.
well fuck!
I'll write more when i have time:)

6:15

2010-05-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

Tessa called me at 6:15 this morning...I called back like two minutes later.
I said "You better be dying..."
she goes "Actually, my butt called you..."
I told her thank you and hung up.
She knows i love her still.
But im absolutely DEAD this morning...
onsomerealshit ima kirk out.
gahhhhhhhhh.
I.need.sleep.

smile loves.

Megan Ann Joiner.

2010-05-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

Okay so,
We're sitting in our first block, and i got to thinking.
How Im so mean to that girl...She's my bestfriend.
And the relationship we have is absolutely unexplainable.
Im like that big sister that picks on her little sister constantly, and we both know we love eachother.
She gets my sarcasm and mean-ness.
She doesn't take it seriously because she knows not to.
I show my love for people veryy differently.
but in the end, I don't know where i would be without her.
She loves to be loud and get attention, she loves to be loved.
She makes me laugh like crazzzzyyyyy.
And she's reading this as im writing:)
haha She goes
"WAIT! hold the phone! What holiday is the 31st?"
and i said "Memorial day"
"nu uh...really?" she said.
So i replied with "No shit."
hahaha and we smiled.
She definitely gets me.
I love that girl with all i got.
<3

Yes Bailey, one is coming for you too.

My clock has been stopped on 11:11 for some time now...

2010-05-03T06:02:00.000-07:00

Promise yourself to be strong, that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and except only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in faith that the whole world is on your side so as long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Summertime.

2010-05-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

It's fucking hot as shit in this school.
I KNOW when i go to my next class im going to fuggin sweat! D: eeeeww.
Its kinda cold in my current class.
And this heat id making me think about this upcoming summer...
its WILL be epic. Last summer was boring. I stayed home and did nothing almost all summer.
This summer, I plan on doing something alllllll the time.
I plan on partying.
I plan on hanging outside at night, in shorts and a hoodie<3
I WILL make this summer a summer that I'll always remember.

Fucking pissed.

2010-05-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

So i am in that mood that i need to just fucking vent.

So this post right here is NOT going to be very pleasing for you...

BUT.

Today was some fucking bullshit.

I dont think anyone has any right to completely flip the fuck out on someone for absolute no gosh damn reason!

You can take all that shit you said and shove it right up your fucking ass you prick.

I havent been this angry in the longest time.

If you say its not his fault, or my fault. then whos fucking fault is it? HIS.

I dont want to lose my bestfriend because of some fucking selfish asshole who doesnt give a flying fuck about anyone.

No im not going to fucking reply to what you said to me because youre so fucking low and full of BULLSHIT. Everything you fucking said what a damn lie.

YOU feel that way. So don't fucking say Everyone. YOU are the only one who feels that way.

And nobody gives two shits. I know that for a fact.

I've tried to get along with you for the sake of my friendship with my bestfriend. But no, you just can't fucking handle it.

Youre so gosh damn protective that if she doesn't give YOU the amount of fucking attention YOU want you throw a damn hissy fit! grow the fuck up! Pull your head out of your ass please! Dammit. I have neverrrr wanted to say i hate someone. ever. until NOW.

You fucking piece of shit! You gave me a right to attack you now. So here i am. Im fucking saying how i feel.

You're fucking selfish. A prick. Arrogant. Ignorant. Self-centered. Controlling. Jealous. so many more. I could go on for fucking ever. I see you as trash.

She is my bestfriend, and if you don't like it oh fucking well!

I love her to death.

You dont fucking like ANYONE. you say IM the problem, when you alwaayysss have problems with anyone who's close to her. because youre fucking jealous!! You try to get rid of everyone who is close to her so you can have her to your fucking self. You selfish bastard.

IM not the reason you fight. IM not the problem. You have problems with EVERYONE. So fuck off. I can't fucking stand you. And this post isn't even close to how i feel about you right now.

I want her to know, (my bestfriend) that i apologize she's in the middle of this. It's not fair to her. I don't want to lose her, so i dealt with his shit. But he crossed the line tonight. I love her to death, and she's still my bestfriend. So he can keep trying to get rid of me. Im not fucking going anywhere.

Good day babyyy

2010-04-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

soooo...today i am Pippy Longstocking! :D
I've them pigtail braids going on:) woop woop!

I'm actually in an amazingg mood today, and I think I'm in such a great mood its making people mad, haha wtf?

i dont give a fuuccckkk:)

I'm superrrr duupperrr happy!

No apparent reason, i got terrible news last night and this morning...
but im still in a grreeatt mood:)

haha Megan and I are sitting here, we both have energy and the class, well...two-three people are getting pissed because "we're loud" haha shut the fuck up, you guys are always loud and we don't complain. hahaah fuck it.
oh well :)

Today is a day to just smile. Be confident in your smile and you'll be happy, just smile to people. Challenge of the day. Be happy, its not hard, not for me anymore. Make someones day.

Do the unexpectable.

2010-04-26T20:44:00.001-07:00

How come when we were kids it was okay for us to constantly change our minds, but now if we do we're considered liars, or hypocrites or its a contradiction?

2010-04-25T13:18:00.001-07:00

I reallyy dont like the burger king man. He freaks me the fuck out. I want to drop kick him. Join me.

Your not good enough.

2010-04-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough.

You'll never be skinny enough, you'll never bee tall enough, you'll never be pretty enough.

You'll NEVER be ENOUGH.

Yeah, thats the "motto" i went through for a WHILE.

I tried soo many things to be thinner than i am, i was so unhappy with my weight. I just wanted to feel attractive, i wanted to be thin and not big. I have a belly, yes.

But i have came to the conclusion that it makes me ME.

Girls see themselves at fat and ugly, because they see guys that only want thin girls. Thin girls are hot girls. They dont want a chubster. so "if i was thinner, guys would want me."

NO. If a guy wont accept you or like you because youre not thin/skinny, then why do you want to be with a guy who only cares how you look on the outside?

Youre beautiful INSIDE AND OUTSIDE. Yeah, thats cliche and everyone says it. But when are you going to start to believe it?

Everyday i would look in the mirror, and just say "eww." Im too fat, i want to be thin.

NOW everyday, i say, "HEY i got pudgee, im a chubster, more to love." then laugh to myself.

Being thin isn't everything. Confidence makes beauty.

"if the definition of beauty gets any thinner, no one will fit."

Your body is a canvas, makrked with scars and stories.

Don't damage it.

Dont ruin it. Its YOUR walking story, its beautiful and amazing. Don't think you aren't.

2010-04-24T19:47:00.001-07:00

take.a.risk.
endofstory.

idk?

2010-04-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

this is your night, sooo smile.

So, the past two nights, I've cried myself to sleep.

Stayed home one day because i needed a day.

The first night of my three nights, i cried so hard i thought i stopped breathing.

I couldn't handle it.

I thought i was losing control.

I had no control of my emotions, thoughts or anything.

The second night i cried. Slept. woke up. cried. slept more.

Repeated the next night.

Today, today was good. Great maybe.

I dont think i can cry anymore.

I am trying so hard to not give up.

I'm trying so hard to hope that those friends and loved ones will be there for me, and not let me break.

I am going to try. period.

I got some bad news tonight, but I can't let it break me down.

I let it all out the past three days.

I'm finally ready to attempt to move on.

and live MY life.

I was drowning.

Alone.

By myself.

Now i want to live.

Not alone.

With the people i love.

Join with me please?

A new beginning.

2010-04-22T08:41:00.001-07:00

I'm going to attempt. to start over.
I cried for three hours straight last night, then finally fell asleep.
I think i got it all out.
I hypervenilated. (i cant spell)
It hurt. I couldn't breathe. But the tears kept coming, soaking my pillow.
I think i could let more out right now...
I dont want to be like this anymore.
I want the old me back.
I've lost her.
It's my mission to find her again.
I dont get it, the second i walk into school i get so mad and pissed off, and the littlest things piss me off.
I dont like that, at all.
Im disgusted with myself.
I want to let it all go.
all of it.
I want Savannah back.
I'm trying. My damn hardest.
I needed a day today.
i got that day.
Part of me thinks its the people im friends with.
Their attitudes influence mine, so therefor they're rubbing off on me.
Which i dont like.
If they all realized there's so much to live for, maybe they wont be such sour pusses about everything.
All that negative energy we harbor is being taken out on eachother, and the people we love the most. WHY?!
Show the people you love that you love them!
Don't reject the love your friends ask for and show you.
They just need to be shown they're loved and cared for. like a friend SHOULD be.
Don't shut your friends out because you can't handle things you're dealing with and feeling.
Friends are there to help you! Not to be shut out of your life.
I dont know if this blog even has a point...but yeah.
I guess I thought i'd share.
Nap time.

The old ways...

2010-04-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

I dont know what happened.
I miss the old Savannah.
What happened to me?
I used to be that fun loving girl, that was always happy and in a good mood.
I didn't let anything get me down.
I lived my life to the fullest.
I didn't let my friends bring me down.
I was happy and hyper.
I was such a joy to be around.
I wish i knew how to get that person back, im scared that she's gone forever...
I hate getting mad about things, and getting annoyed.
I hate having these emotions.
I don't recall ever having them this bad.
I cant stand being in such a bad mood, its so fucking annoying!
i hateeee it.
I dont LIKE being mad.
I dont LIKE being a bitch.
I dont LIKE being grumpy.
I hate it.
Im in suuch an amazing mood outside of school.
wtf is wrong with me...

Dying.

2010-04-08T05:20:00.001-07:00

So, have you ever had to watch someone die?
Have you had to sit by someone who's gasping for their breath?
And they KNOW, YOU KNOW they're dying shortly.
Death is easy in a way...
If you KNEW you were going to die, what would it feel like?
Frightening? or comforting?
Looking around at a family who always acts and seems as if they've got it made, and got it all. They've never had anything wrong happen to them, and looking at their broken faces was i guess, heartbreaking. They looked as if they were real people to me for a minute there.
It opened their eyes up to reality.
It opens my eyes to reality.
Have you notcied, hardly anyone ever thinks about the way they're living until they lose someone. THEN they all decide "Hey, Icould die at any minute. So i want to live it up right now!"
Why dont you live like that everday?
Why dont you think like that everyday?
live every day as if it were your last.
Dont let death make you think or live like that.
Gotta go for now, I'll add more later.

It happened for a reason;

2010-04-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

“It is the difficult and the unexpected, and maybe even the tragic, that opens us up and frees us to see things in new ways. Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right but because it all fell apart. Suffering does that. It hurts, but it also creates.”

I find that the very truth that we all need to believe and take to heart.

I think when such pain and dispair occurs in someones life it is so hard to believe and look for help. "Everything happens for a reason" Such an over used quote isn't it?

But its something we need to know is true. The scars you have on your heart have made you who you are today. Whatever left that scar, had taught you something. It has made you a stronger person than you were at that time. It has created you. Don't let it defeat you. Know that it has happened for a reason. Move forward.

Dear you,

2010-04-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

You are going to move through this.

Dont let it defeat you. Submit yourself to this process. You're growing, you're changing, you're doing this thing called LIFE.

Im not trying to make you feel all better and happy. This fucking hurts and there are no two ways around it.

But im trying to tell you not to give up, dont flee.

I can't remove your pain, but i promise you im going to hold your hand while its hurting.

Reach out. You need people right now.

I'm here for you.

You're loved in ways you cant imagine. In ways that dont depend on your performance. In ways that cannot be removed or lost.

I love you my friend.

2010-03-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Within the past year, ive learned alot about that thing they call "friendship."
Friends come and go, but its the impression you make upon THEM that matters.
No matter what, make sure YOU are the one they will be thinking of years to come as the friend they miss, the friend that gave them the best of times. that way, when its all said and done, you will be content with yourself while they will be sitting back, daydreaming about how much fun it was to be arounf you and how much they miss it.
Make yourself unforgettable. please no one. just be you.
]

That thing we call...Life;

2010-03-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

I was wondering, as i was packing and getting ready for my trip, Why is it exactly everybody is so afraid of death? to me, it seems like death is something that affects your loved ones more than it affects you. afterall, your not around to be sad about your death. Don't get me wrong, i dont WANT to die, id rather avoid it, but if it happens, ok? I'm afraid of pain, so im afraid of everything up until death, but death itself is inherently nothing. Do you remember how much it sucked before you were born? No. because you werent there, so how is death any different?

Plus, if your doing it right now, living the way you should be, no matter what your creed, dying right now should be completely alright. I for the first time in my life, can say that im living my life to its fullest. (most of the time) When i look at the whole scope of things, my complaints seem to completely become irrelevant, so therefor i've decided this is as close to happiness as any mortal person can become. If i died right now, sure i'd wish i had meant more to the world for the amount of time ive really spent on Earth, i think ive done pretty well. So i guess my message is, as insignificant as it seems, is dont be afraid. of anything. just live. life, no matter how hard it may seem at any given point, really is pretty great. So dont worry about how it might end, just have fun, and die without regrets.

Stereotypes/Racism.

2010-03-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

Everyday someone stereotypes someone else, The common stereotypes ive seen in my life are against foreigners and african americans.
I stereotype, and i probably will until i die.
I just wish ignorant people who stereotype would realize that theyre race is not the only race in the world. Some people believe God made us all. Even though people have their own religions, someone put us on this earth for some reason.
There's so many cultures in this world, and maybe if we took one precious hour out of our day to try and learn about them, maybe we could be more understanding and accept eachothers differences.

America isn't like any other place We Are The Land of The Free. If you dont want to live in a place where there are diverse people dig a whole in the ground and live there.

Our skin color doesnt change us as a person. It shows our history of out nationality's we each are.
The voices that lie within each of our bodies tell the story of us. We don't all go through the same things in life, but some of us experience something someone else does. Peoples reasons of living are different in each of us, but without people there wouldnt be a reason to live.
Yes this is short, i wish i could've written more but im running out of time.
I'll leave you with a (maybe pointless) thought,
Dont let looks make your lasting impression on people.

Just a day in the life,

2010-03-05T21:48:00.001-08:00

I wont apologize to anyone anymore for speaking my mind. If theyre offended, then they're upset because they know that its about them. I dont need anyone to catch my fall, as long as i land on my feet, i dont need them. I wont count on anyone, and i wont rely on anyone. Look in the mirror and rely on that person staring back. Because in the end, thats the only person that will truly understand. But then again...who AM i?
I look at people who dont know who they are, and find them the most interesting.
So not knowing who i am might be a good thing after all? who knows. i sure dont.

Untitled

2010-03-05T21:32:00.001-08:00

Im not a writer, not even close.
So let me write what i want to write about, whether its philisophical, or about yesterdays lunch, or about a bad hair day. Let me write what makes me feel. You dont be the judge of it. I will. So like my blogs? keep reading. dont? stop reading.